we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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