I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize