im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
