If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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