I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
