Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
