I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
