bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
