Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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