i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
