I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
