Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
