Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
