I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
