He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
