who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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