ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
