i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize