Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
