And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
