Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize