I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
