So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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