I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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