Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
