The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
