Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
