I haven't been this sober since birth.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
