i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
