Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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