how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
