Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
