i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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