She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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