in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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