i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
God I need to hump something, right now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
