so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
