I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
