i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize