What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
