member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
