i don't like sucking hair
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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