Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
