He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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