How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Randomize