all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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