gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
