I'm really into asian looking animals
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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