forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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