He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
