I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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