Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
