I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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