I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
