Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
