I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We are all done wearing pants today
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