Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
