and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
