i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
