I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There are leaves in my underwear?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
