you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
