can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
