I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We named our party play list daddy issues
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
