It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
