Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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