I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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