I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize