What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
