I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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