What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize