I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
