When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
