Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
