just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
