how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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