I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
