smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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