So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
