Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
