I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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