you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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