I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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