I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
