Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
