It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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