I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
