Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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