Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
