: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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