I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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