is your mom at the bar?
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
