Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
