your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
