and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Boobs are out for the taking
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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