apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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