Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
