Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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