He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
