we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
