so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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