Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
