We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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