so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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