I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
