Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
