I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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