so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
