the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
