Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
