we're chasing vodka with high fives
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Come on in and take your pants off
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