Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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