Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
