I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
