my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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