so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
