He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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