She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
