in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
