i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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