And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
