Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
