I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
